Joke: Redneck Jedi Knights

Your Jedi might be a redneck if...

• he uses his lightsaber to cut the bottlecap off a beer
• he says, "These are not the beers you're looking for"
• that "Disturbance in the Force" was just last night's baked beans and spareribs
• the inside of the house looks more like Dagobah than the outside
• he calls his young apprentice, "Hoss"
• he ever uses telekinesis to pull his jeans up
• the Force isn't the only thing that runs in the family
• he calls Hank Williams "master"
• his landspeeder has a gun rack
• he constantly mistakes R2 units for beer kegs
• he got his light saber by sending in 750 "Camel cash" tickets
• his sister chooses him over Han Solo
• he calls Yoda his "Li'l green buddy."
• he has ever said, "Anger... fear...agression...Yankees...the dark side are they."
• his father's name is Garth Vader
• his lightsaber has a beer can crusher in the base
• there is more oil in his robes than in his astromech droid
• he has ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing or bowling
• he trims his beard and finds a Mynock
• he has ever used a lightsaber to light the barbecue grill
• he offends Jawas with his B.O.
• he fights with a lightsaber in one hand and a spit cup in the other
• he uses a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck
• he uses his Jedi healing powers to clear up his VD
• his Jedi robe is camouflage-colored
• at least one wing of his X-Wing is primer colored
• he can easily describe the taste of an Ewok
• he can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks
• his father ever said to him, "Shoot, son, come on over t' the dark side...it'll be a hoot."

Submitted by reader S.P.