Articles to read while waiting for my next online meeting

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump won their respective Illinois primary elections yesterday. And in other news:

• Turns out, a strong social safety net leads to lower mortality, and because poor, mostly-white areas in the U.S. voted theirs down to minuscule levels, poor, white people are not doing well.
• When you vote against your own party in a hot battle with the opposition governor, and the governor wins that battle, that's a career-limiting move. Illinois representative Ken Dunkin (D-Chicago) got spanked hard for doing that last night. Good.
• A guy got charged with a misdemeanor for allegedly jamming cell phones on the CTA Red Line.
• President Obama nominated an old white guy to the Supreme Court this morning, flummoxing Senate Republicans who want to stonewall the process.
• For no reason anyone can determine, the city seems to be waging a war against valet parking companies. Businesses are annoyed.
• The Daily WTF thought President Obama sounded like an idiot boss on the subject of cell-phone encryption. Even John Oliver thought so.
• London is using pigeons with tiny backpacks to measure air pollution. No, really.
• Marco Rubio's friends say he's a lazy, devious little twerp—on the record. He's also dropped out of the 2016 race, and will probably be out of politics for a couple elections.
• Donald Trump's butler probably thought he was helping his boss by giving an interview to the Times, but...well...
• The Chicago Comic and Entertainment Expo (C2E2) is this weekend. Here's what to see.

Time to write some documentation. Whee.